nurmek

It seems that any time I have the urge to write an entry, I seem to have my shoulders sag, exhaling a long sigh of pitious disgust.  The question as to why this is still eludes me;  some may say for the attention, possibly even craving pity and sympathy for myself.  Of that, I can assure you that this is a false statement.  The only explanation I can think of, seeing as I don't talk to many people, maybe this is my way to vent.  But, back to the point...


Ever since I graduated from high school, I had no clue as to what I wished to do with the remainder of my life.  Everyone else had their ideas, opinions and input to share, but none of it really directed me to a path that I desired.  Still in college, almost four years after I have left my high school years behind, my mind is still as clouded as even with doubt and indecisiveness.   These four years, it feels as though I have only been going around in circles, lost with no indication of where to go next.  I'm almost to the point to just...postpone my education, and maybe discover more about my possibilities.  Maybe figure out more about myself (yes, I know how cliched that may sound).  The hardest part, I suppose, is to know where to start.  In time, I will figure it out I hope.

I suppose that's enough complaining for one entry.  On the positive side, I have most of my Christmas shopping done (though I don't care for the holiday myself), and I survived the Black Friday that my aunt dragged me to ^^  Also, everything else has been pretty uneventful and ordinary.  I suppose that is a plus.

Throughout school, family and work this year so far, I have very little time to do anything relaxing and recreational; to just be alone and to maybe try to draw or enjoy one of my numerous books collecting dust upon my shelves.  Though my body is trying to cope with the increasing demands of daily life, my mind seems to be taking advantage of the chaos; everyday it relays thoughts that can either bring me down or to a point of frustration that before I did not believe was possible.

Every action has a consequence, but it may be worse to suffer a consequence through the inability to act.  How does one know when an opportunity has passed them by, never to be brought about again?  How can one attempt to know another better when they themselves do not know themselves at all, as if to look into a mirror and not know the face that stares back?  How can one continue to move on along their path, when the shadows of  past ventures continually stalk them, unable to cast them aside and ultimately engulfed?  How can one enjoy something they love when it brings nothing but frustration and aggravation time and time again?  These are but a few questions that glide leisurely through my mind as I lie in my bed, with no intentions of flying away cooperatively and swiftly.  And as I try to answer one hopefully, another bashes the other aside, demanding my full attention before a full uproar commences, only sleep able to dull the chaos.

I apologize if this post is a bit decrypted, since I never mention anything specific within my life once within it.  And I expend my apologies again if someone finds that I am doing nothing but ranting, just being depressing or bringing upon the facade that my life is excruciating, because that was not my intention.  To be honest, I don't even know why I had the urge to post this to begin with *Shrugs*

I can't even remember the last time I put an entry on here.  But, with a friend of mine suggesting me to get more involved on here, I figured I'd try.  I'm not even sure where to begin, or if I should really begin at all.  Things have been going downhill for quite some time, but I'm not one to complain about such things.  Life is fully of challenges and all we can do is pull through the best we can.  But, for those that are curious about what has been going on with me.  Well, I'm still in college, but I had to drop out this semester due to family problems (in other words, I was expendable).  I'm still trying to find time to draw, which is always relaxing to me even though I'm trying to improve.  Well, I don't have much time left, so I'll stop this entry here.  Hopefully I'll get a change to update more often.  I guess we'll see what happens *Gives a wave to anyone that reads this* ^^

As the title says, no, I am not dead, though I'm sure some would wish it. Either that, or my eternal suffering until the end of my days *Shrugs* Still alive and kicking a little. It has been a while since I have made a journal entry in here. Can't remember the last time I did. I really have to post more frequently. Thanks to Zy's little nudge to get back here, well, I'm actually writing an entry.

Now to put about four months worth of my life into a nutshell:

I've quit my job (They were hypocritical bastards that were driving me to the brink of insanity) and I can't seem to be able to find another one. It seems no one will hire without experience of some kind. Which makes me wonder how one is supposed to gain experience if all employers want are experienced employees. It's an endless cycle that I hope to find a hole in soon enough.

I've had to withdraw from college until further notice due to lack of money. I'm lucky to eat a bite of food everyday let alone be able to pay for further education. From food, to gas, to helping with family expenses, to my mother's incapability of managing money, I can't seem to be able to afford anything anymore. Isn't the economical system great?

I haven't been able to concentrate on my drawing, though, who cares, right? Just a little side note in case anyone was wondering.

My mother is becoming increasingly irresponsible to her own kids when it comes to her boyfriend, and I am fed up with it. I ave nothing against the guy, minus the fact that he can get annoying at times, but it seems that she cares more about him than she does my brothers and sister. I don't care if she doesn't care for me. I've lived with that already. But it pisses me off to no end that she'll say out all day with him, sometimes not even return home until the next day, and not call to see how things are going, or even leave money for food. It makes me wish I could just pick up and leave from hear. Not counting the fact that I don't have the money, I couldn't do that to my brothers and sister.

Anyways, I think that is more than enough bitching for one entry. I'm sure whoever read this far is quite tired of it by now. And, no, I do not plan on giving up on everything nor do I want pity. This is just another part of life that I have to fight through. I hope that I'll be able to talk to some of my soul siblings and friends again though, who I haven't seen in a while. I hope everything is going well with everyone: Zy, Rio, Dragoneyzs, Gahtren, Eyvenroth, and everyone else. I hope to talk to you all again soon. Take care.

Wow...I am so lazy. It's been about five months since I last made an entry o.=.o Damn my laziness *Shrugs* Oh well, nothing I can do. So, let's see, how to summarize five months worth of stuff...well, first off, I'm officially through with high school and I'm going to Penn State University for college, which starts on the 30th. Let's see, what else...went to Ocean City, MD from July 2-9, which was alright, I guess. I'm far behind on my drawings that I owe to some people (Sorry for it taking so long ^^; ). Oh, and I have found love (A surprise to me. Seriously). My mate's name is Waveryn, and my love for her knows no bounds. I could not be happier when I'm talking to her ^^ *Sighs happily* Pretty much, that is it. I have a horrible memory anyways, so I knew this was not going to be a long entry. I'll have to try to get on here more often ^^;;

I am finally back from my band trip to Florida. I was planning to type this up yesterday, but I was just plain exhausted >..< I got to visit various Disney parks and Universal Islands of Adventure. It was alot of fun, but it was exhausting and I really didn't get much free time to myself. *shrugs* Oh well ^^ It does feel good to be back home though, and I missed talking to some of my friends. And speaking of friends, I got a phone call from my good friend, FeuerAugen. It felt kind of weird to talk to an online friend (especially for the first time), but it was interesting. It was earlier in the morning, and we were both half asleep (or at least me anways ^^). Luckily my mom didn't here me, otherwise she would have flipped out.
Well, I'm off to find something to do, since I'm not the least bit tired (at the moment anyways) and I don't have school tomorrow ^^

Well, by the time most of you read this, I'll probably already be on the road for Florida. It's for a school band trip where we get to perform at Disney, so I won't be back until the 24th. The major downside is that we have to take a bus, and it is a 20 hour drive >..< Oh well, can't be helped I guess. But on the plus side, once I get back, spring break starts and I get more days of from school ^^ I just hope I don't miss too much. But I hope everyone has a great week while I'm away. Just try not to miss me too much ^^

Yes, that's right. I have lost all my wisdom... teeth ^^ (I know that is a bit cliched, but I could not resist posting it ^.=.^) I got all four of wisdom teeth pulled today, but surprisingly there's no pain... yet, but I do feel really dizzy. I can only eat soft foods for a while and I'm not allowed to play my trumpet for two weeks. But I guess that's not too bad.
Aside from my little operation, it has been an average day. Except I have to keep gauze pads in my mouth to stop the bleeding and when I talk, it sounds like I have a sock in my mouth ^^ Now I think I'll try to get some rest before I fall to the floor. And if anyone talks to Drakun, make sure to wish him a happy birthday ^^

Valentine's Day, just another day on my calendar. And I don't say that just because I'm single; I see more couples breaking up and fighting than I do seeing them with love and passion in their eyes. Love is much too thickle anymore among most people, and it disgusts me. Not to say that there are not any loving couples out there. It's just that many take love for granted. I don't know, maybe I'm just lonely and just ranting. But this is just my opinion and an observation through my eyes. I hope no one has taken offense to all this. If so, I apologize.

Today was just an average day, but I just felt plain sickly all day. With a sore throat, wheezing (I have asthma), headache, stuffy nose, and dizziness, I just felt plain miserable. But it does not do much than complain, does it? ^.=.^ I just hope this passes soon. I hate being sick. Anyways, as a final note, a wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day. ^.=.^

I don't know how, but my mom somehow found out about me being a dragon (no clue how she found out). I ended up telling here all about draconity and what I've gone through. Surprisingly, she took it quite well, but I have a feeling she thinks I'm a bit crazy. *shrugs* Oh well, maybe I am in the end ^^ Besides that, nothing much happening. I am still trying to complete my evil school projects. I have a feeing that I'm going to be working on them over the weekend too. Can't wait to be done with them. I barely have any free time and I'm writing this while I'm researching. Can't wait for school to be over tomorrow. Weekend will atleast be altittle relaxing (I hope ^^). Well, that's all for now. Must get back to work.